What we say changes what we think

In China, I once read, the government has an affirmative action policy which significantly favours ugly women. This is because the Chinese government believes that prepossessing damsels have so many other advantages in life. It may no longer be true, but it sure highlights that no decision is never going to make everyone happy. (I shudder to think of the implementation manual defining how to categorize a woman’s lack of universal appeal.)

I was thinking about this the other day when facing a decision. Almost everybody I know — and certainly every small business owner — hates making decisions. There are so heavy. Burdensome. And so important that you don’t want to make a mistake. In MBA parlance there is a term “analysis paralysis” which accurately describes what happens when you have to make a decision. You spend so much time collecting so many bits of information that you get completely flummoxed.

Much as I hate resorting to a thesaurus to explain the point, here are a few synonyms (words that more or less mean the same): resolution, conclusion, settlement, verdict, ruling, judgement, education, sentence. I don’t know about you, but these are not words I want to confront without a glass of wine in my hand. And preferably one in my tummy. I think that this is why I have always found making decisions early in the morning so difficult. Why is this important, I hear you ask — especially on a day as busy as this?

Get on with it, I hear you cry. Honestly, I don’t know why. It’s not as if any of us are going to make any decisions today! That’s too much like hard work.

The point I’m trying to make is that the way we speak influences the way we think. And the more we’re able to put our exact feelings into words, the more likely we are to progress. If you’ve ever noticed a young kid throwing a tantrum you will understand. In his mind (girls, just in case you didn’t know, do not throw tantrums — they just change their mind at lightning speed) he is angry. But when you work through the emotion with him, it is more that he is frustrated. The moment you are able to analyse the emotion, and apply an appropriate word, you can fix it.

An appropriate solution for anger — although not in the United Kingdom — is a solid wallop across the ear. In contrast, the appropriate treatment for frustration is to be given a piece of chocolate.

As I was saying. Decisions are heavy. But there is another word that means almost the same thing — a fluffy word; a word with no threat implied; a word with no pretensions of grandeur. That word is “choice”. The act of “choosing” is so much more fun than the act of “making a decision”. Once again let’s look at what the thesaurus says about the friends of the word “choice”: picked out, opt for, plumped for, settle on, preferred, adopt.

Consequently, as a result, and because of all of this, I have decided never to make another decision. Instead, every now and then, I will choose something. Although, after this morning’s large English breakfast (which never quite matches the South African equivalent of an English breakfast) I might plump for something. It seems so much more appropriate.

Most of us don’t know where we’re going. Not only do we not have much time to consider the issue, but we think that if we do decide (there is that big word again) on a direction — then it must be something important. Frankly, any direction is better than no direction. So instead of deciding on anything, why not opt to become a millionaire at the age of 42? That allows you to change your mind whenever you want it — because it isn’t a “decision”.

Which reminds me. I once had a partner who used to vex me immensely because he had a simple rule in life: there is no such thing as a final decision. Everything is negotiable, at any time.

As I have grown older, I have realised how right he is. Very often, the decision isn’t even a decision, but rather a random choice based on the awful food the members of the board had for lunch, and that shocker of a Cabernet vintage.

Bottom line. Stop making decisions, and start making choices — as many as you can. They are less stressful, more fun, and easier to change — especially if you’re male.